Raw Birthday Thoughts - Why Am I Even Alive? Dealing with Discouragement and Disappointment | John Giftah

0:01 Speaker 1: Do you ever look around and think, Wow, the world is a crazy place and it just seems to get crazier and crazier. Ease your mind and take a break. This is Fuel for the Soul with John Gifta. We're a hub for inspirational Christian sermons, practical keys for Christian living, and Christian discussions and interviews. You'll be inspired to live the life that you were created for. Your host is a top ranking podcaster, best selling author, world record holder, aerospace engineer, life coach, evangelist, and founder of John Gifta International.

0:41 Speaker 1: Welcome to Fuel for the Soul with John Gifta.

0:49 Speaker 2: Hello everyone here, I am on my birthday, Eve, and I just wanted to share this word out to you on this edition of the Field for the solo John gift of podcast. I just want to pour out things from my heart, and I just believe that you know, the place that I'm in right now, I feel is going to minister to some of you. I'm just going to be raw in some of the words that I'm going to use about what I feel because I just want it to be a blessing. I don't want to sugarcoat anything. I don't want to say that the one in front of you who's speaking to you, whether you're watching this on YouTube or whether you're listening to this on any of the podcast platforms.

1:25 Speaker 2: I don't want you to think that, you know what, you know, maybe I'm having the best life out there, or to the fact that you know, I'm living my dreams, or everything is going well, or it's your birthday, you should be in a very happy mood and things like that, and I just want to share with you guys, you know that I'm in a season of you know, great setbacks after setbacks, rejections of the rejections, closed doors at the closed doors, going through a lot of things in my personal life, and with regard to even the ministry, a lot of things that I hoped and expected to happen I'm just not you know, really furnished out well, or even with regard to various other aspects.

2:04 Speaker 2: With regard to, you know, the fact that I'm still a Christian single waiting for the right person to step into my life, or whether it's in the area of my career that I'm praying for, you know, doors that would open to a fact where I would also be able to you know, continue doing this ministry stuff because I want to tell you guys, you know, I work in a full time job and I run the ministry. But the thing is this, you know, I need an opportunity that will enable me to do this in an effective manner because the ministry expenses are soaring.

2:35 Speaker 2: If you guys know what it is about. You know it's not easy to do what I do. You know, I have these podcasts and social media, television, ministry, YouTube, and I travel and preach. So I'm really praying that, you know, God would really show up and show out in various areas of my life. And when I was just thinking about this, honest thoughts that were coming into my mind when I was thinking about this birthday. I'm supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be grateful, and I am grateful, and I say thank you Jesus for enabling me to do what I'm doing.

3:05 Speaker 2: Even right now, I'm able to record. I have a microphone. I'm able to record on this device. I'm able to send out put my voice out there, no matter how many of you are listening or watching. I'm able to do what I'm able to do, or I or even certain blessings in my life that I'm grateful for, you know, hitting one million views on the YouTube channel recently. But in spite of all of this, you know, there are big areas where I'm still fighting, you know, going through a lot of hurdles, and I'm in a season of you know, great discouragement, to a point where I was like, God, why am I even alive?

3:40 Speaker 2: You know what is happening? You know, like I know, I know, I've readen a book here as you can see behind me right like a purpose, unreally purpose, you know. I believe that God has a purpose for me. I believe God has a plan for me. But but the truth is, I'm in that season of you know, like deep discouragement and setbacks and rejections and being overlooked and going through you know, a very you know, like roller coaster ride you know, of my life, you know what I mean. So even when I was thinking about the birthday, I'm supposed to be excited, I'm supposed to celebrate, I'm supposed to be joyful, But in the back of my mind, I'm just not like in a position where I was like, God, what is happening?

4:22 Speaker 2: I trust you, I depend on you. I should be grateful to you for all the blessings that I can see and I cannot see. But in spite of that, you know, the overwhelming feeling of you know, fighting and praying and trusting in God, and you know, being ridiculed and mocked for my faith. People ask me all the time, Oh, you keep saying you pray, you pray, you keep saying God, God, But look at your life. It's such a mess. What is going on with your life? You know? Or when you have people asking questions like what's the point?

4:54 Speaker 2: How do you know God is leading you? How do you know God is trust you know? Really you know? You know called you? Or why is your life like this? You know you're supposed to be the star and things like that. But can I tell you something, Guys, I want you to understand. I'm just being honest and just saying this to you. You know, in the midst of all of this feeling like God, why am I even alive? Or why is why is my birthday even there? Like I'm supposed to be happy, but I'm just not. And in the midst of all of this, I was just I was just you know, reminded of some things I would just want to share first things.

5:28 Speaker 2: First, I want to share that if you're feeling like that, you're not alone. If you're feeling like that, you don't have to feel discouraged or you don't have to feel condemned for feeling that way. You know, sometimes people say, Oh, you're a preacher. How can you feel like that? You're a preacher. How can you have depression? You're a minister of the gospel, you have all of these fancy stuff happening in your life. How can you still not be rejoicing like you're supposed to. I'm being honest with you, right, Like, I'm just being honest with you, Like, as a human it is perfectly fine to not be okay sometimes, you know.

6:03 Speaker 2: Don't allow people to put this unrealistic expectation of pressure on you to be like, you know, this perfect Joe, you know, perfect in faith all the time. You know. I want to share a scripture to you, and I'm want to take this forward. If you look at the you know, Psalms thirteen, this is what it is. I'm just going to read it to you from the Nalty version. But the Psalmist is saying, Oh Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever. How long will you look the other way? How long must I struggle with anguish in my heart, with sorrow in my heart every day?

6:35 Speaker 2: How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me? Oh Lord, my God, restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die. Don't let my enemies gloat saying we have defeated him. Don't let them rejoice at my downfall. You know, see, the Psalmist is open before God and saying, how long will you forget me? No, if I say something like that, or if you say that, it will be some Christian Nazis who will say, oh, you don't trust God. God said, I will never leave you now for sake, I will never forget you, even if your own mother forgets you.

7:08 Speaker 2: They quote all these scriptures to put you down. But here's the point. You see. The Psalmist was feeling that God, have you forgotten me? How long will you forget me? How long will you look the other way? In other sense, I want you to understand that you know you don't have to hide up you feel the Psalmist felt like how you feel my prayers seem like nothing is happening. What's the point of praying day after day, week after week, year after year, decade after decade, praying and not seeing a result.

7:36 Speaker 2: You may feel like that you're saying, what is the point? I was just looking at it that you know, this is the thirteenth year of the ministry, and I'm like God, you know, there are people who start in thirteen months their ministry source like Egal and I'm running the ministry for thirteen years and it's still scratching the surface, and I'm like, God, what is happening with my life? I'm just being honest with you. I'm just being open with you. You know, that's the way I want you to be opened before God and say, God, you know what, this is how discouraged I feel.

8:03 Speaker 2: This is how this depressed I feel. This is what I feel that you have forgotten me, that you are not answering my prayers. And it is okay to be honest before God. I want to tell you be honest before Him. And it's amazing that right after saying all of this, this ps armist goes on to say, but I choose to trust in your unfailing love, I will rejoice because you have rescued me. It's not because God has already rescued him, but he is going into the faith mode. He says, I will sing to the Lord because he is good to me.

8:36 Speaker 2: Today. I want to tell you something. In the midst of the pain, I shared my burden out to God. I just said, God, you know what, this is how frustrated I feel about life. I'm not excited about the birthday. I'm so so so frustrated. God. You know, why are you not answering my prayer in this area? Why do I feel like my life is such a mess God? Why is it that you know what? In spite of everything, I just feel like, in spite of all the first I put, in spite of you know, investing into the ministry for thirteen years, in spite of putting my haul out and trusting in the Lord, why is it that you know my life is in such a messy situation.

9:10 Speaker 2: When I was just pouring out and then I said, God, But in the midst of all of this, I still choose to trust you. I still choose to believe in You, and I want you to do the same. I know you can be open before God, like the psalm is, just pour out your heart. Whatever word comes out of your mouth however you feel like sharing it. Share it. Don't worry about people. People will judge you. They will say you're not trusting God. How dare you speak like that to God? Can I think you something? You and God can have your own lingo.

9:42 Speaker 2: You know how when you look at couples, right, they have their own lingo. Or when you look at close ones friends, they have their own lingo. They don't have to use formal words or sentences. Sometimes just the inside joke or something like that. You can say, right, they have their own lingo. You and God can have your own lingo. You can just pour out your heart and say, God, this is how I feel, this is how messy my life looks. And if you're feeling like that, I don't want to share a word that really encouraged me was I was studying about MEPhI Bushit.

10:15 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm struggling to announce his name. Okay, it's Meffhi Bushit. Yeah, so I wanted to understand when you look at Second Sandwich, chapter four, verse four, Mephist was five years old. And you know when Saul and Jonathan this is actually Jonathan's son, Okay, when they were killed the nanny or you know, the the nurse took him as a five year old and ran to protect him. She had a good intention, but in the process she fell and in that process she dropped him, and he became a cripple. Now I don't know who who feels this way that, you know, this man could have become king, but now he's a crippled okay, and it's not because of him.

11:04 Speaker 2: Somebody had good intention to save him, protect him, but in that good intention also they ended up making dropping him and he's now crippled for life. And when you see David takes over and he sets up the kingdom, he restores the ark of the Covenant, and he does all of these things. And then when you look at World Chaptain nine, David says, is there anyone in King Saul's household that I can show kindness to? Because I made a covenant with Jonathan that I will be good to them. You know, David takes up this tip and and what caught my attention was at that point he gets this information that this guy, MEPHIW.

11:52 Speaker 2: Bouschett is in a place called Low Bedar, okay, low Better and this place is a very desolate place, a wilderness. This is a place he was iniding, hoping that he won't be killed by King David, because he doesn't know what kind of a king David is. And think about this. This guy was in a very desperate state, and I was able to relate a lot with him, and I'm not sure if you might be able to relate with him. At this point, you feel like you're in a very dry place. You feel like nothing is working out.

12:26 Speaker 2: You feel like you're stuck. This man was crippled. You are in shame. You're hiding, you can't be open. You're in a very bitter place. You don't know what's going to happen. You think this is how your life is always going to be. And this happened after a few years. I want you to understand this, because when David took over, he didn't immediately remember the Covenant or immediately come and rescue Mefi worshit. It says that after some time. Why because David had to first restore the kingdom. Because if David's intention initially was to take care of Meffy Bushed, even if he restored everything for mefivershed, the kingdom would have become unstable.

13:06 Speaker 2: See what I'm trying to tell you is this important truth. Guys. See, sometimes there's a delay not because God wants to punish you or wants to put you in a hard place. It's because God wants to establish your environment. Because David had good intention to, you know, restore all that Mefy Bushit lost. He wanted to show kindness to Mefi Bushit and call him into the palace and allow him to sit. But the thing is, he didn't do it right after he took the throne. He did it later because he first established a kingdom and then he kept the heark of the Covenant back.

13:41 Speaker 2: He did all the things in the right order, and then he did this. Why because only then, Like imagine if he had done it in the beginning, even if Mefi Firshit got everything from David, if the kingdom was unstable, you know, the enemies could have taken over and he would have lost everything. So the reason why there's a delay, why you feel you've been forgotten, you're in that desolate place, is because God is establishing or stabilizing your environment. And the second thing why he does that, he's in a place called I forgot that name.

14:17 Speaker 2: Man. It's a very sicky place. It's a place called Lo de Bar. Just the thing, this place is a very desolate place. So even when the enemy is attacked, when there was war against Israel, you know what, this place was in a wilderness, so no one would bother to even go and wage war there. So indirectly, this guy, Mefi Bouschet was being protected by being in that wilderness. If he was in the limelight, he could have been killed, or you know, if he was in Jerusalem, if he was in the main vicinity instead of being in this wilderness.

15:00 Speaker 2: Even the enemies could have used him for their own personal gain, you know, like try to manipulate or try to you know, use him to get to David. They could have done all of these things. So there's a reason why God is taking you through the wilderness season. Because God wants to protect you. God wants to watch your way you. This is my belief in this season, and I'm just choosing to trust that. You know what, Yes, I'm in a wilderness that doesn't make sense. You know, when I was thinking about how this man could have felt like, why am I crippled in this wilderness?

15:35 Speaker 2: Why did that person had good intention to save me? But why did that person save me? I should have also died. At least I would not be suffering like this. You may feel like that. You know, I was thinking about this that when I was forty five days old, I became very sick and I was about to die, you know, and God miraculously rescued me. And even this morning, I was just asking God when I was frustrated, I was telling God, God, why did you heal me? At that point? I should have might as well died, Like how this man might as well felt like I should have might as well died.

16:05 Speaker 2: Why did this person show kindness and rescue me? You could feel like that today. You know, I'm just being honest, just being open with for you. But in the midst of that pain, I want to share that even if you feel like, Okay, I might as well should have died, No, God still has a plan for you. The same way God reminded David to show kindness to my favor of shit and took him out and restored everything and took him to the palace. I want you to understand that God is going to come out calling your name.

16:37 Speaker 2: He's going to remind the right person to come and rescue you from your wilderness and take you to your palace. He will do it for you. You know. The one thing that I can tell you is that in the midst of all this you can share your heart out. Like I said, I do that, and I want you to do that. At the same point, you understand that the one thing that we can all bank on is the faithfulness of God. He will never leave us, not forsake us. You know this is my assurance, even as a step into the new year, that even though I have all these questions, why God, Why why this delay, why this is not happening, Why aren't you answering my prayers?

17:11 Speaker 2: I still choose to trust him because I know that one meeting with the king took him from this wilderness to sit with the king. You know, it says that very regularly he was sitting with David in the palace for having meals. As reminded of how Joseph was in a similar state. Everything was going in the bad direction all the time, but one touch of God's favor suddenly took him from the prison to become the prime minister equivalent, from the prison to a dude to the palace. You know, our God is a God who can do the impossible in your life.

17:48 Speaker 2: You know, I just wanted you to trust God's leading, God's ways, God's words and be open. This poured out your heart and He will strengthen you through and you will see wonderful results. Thank you so much, guys, and I will see you back in the next episode. God bless you.

18:04 Speaker 1: You've been listening to Fuel for the Soul with John Gifta. We hope you were blessed and inspired to live the life that God has for you. Make sure to subscribe to the John Gifta YouTube channel for regular uploads of sermons, skits, interviews and more. Follow John Gifta on Instagram for regular inspirational posts, and don't forget to check out the best selling books written by John Gifta, Who Am I which will help you understand your identity and the latest number one best seller Unveil your Purpose, helping you discover your purpose and to start walking in it.

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